I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of events. A thousand, a million of them, flowing past by me. Like raindrops from a raincloud, like droplets from a sprinkler, I see them going slowly by, halted by time unmoving. In a world that is bigger than me, I fail to comprehend the WHY of things. Why God is such an ass and a pussy-foot for making the world as it is -- crazy, beautiful. Why men search for heaven here on earth and make hell out of it. Why angels fall and defy God, and demons curse men for their free will. Why pain is sweeter than joy and joy blander than water when taken without hardships. I fail to see (for I am that blind) WHY.
And yes, I'm in one of my "moments" again. Surprised? Then why the hell is this thread titled: Crazy, beautiful, Me? Thought I was just feelin' cute and puttin' it on, eh? And why the fuck are you reading this? Get the hell out of my face and outta my life before I break your --
Kidding. Just venting my anger. It doesn't work. Not really. But it's better than breaking your face for real.
You know whose fault it is. The hand that moves and guides us all. Fuck that! The hand that moves and plays us all, like pieces on a chessboard, is more like it.
And for the life of me, I don't know what I'm ranting about if that is such my belief. For believing it to be so would render me helpless against it. So shoot me, He made me the way I am. And He seems happy about the way I'm being me as he haven't caused me yet to contract any deadly disease, get caught in an accident, be shot by a madman carrying a fuckin' bolo, or die an excruciatingly painful death. Or then again, it could be exactly that. I ain't ready for heaven yet, eh highness?
I dreamt this morning that my life is exactly where it should be.
I screamed my head off for the absolute terror of it.
Then went right back to sleep. I might be able to see where it ends.
This thread has now been branded, pimpled, dotted, and painted: ANGST.
Bruce Willis is such a pussy. Surviving a train crash and drowning in a lousy puddle of mud. I am unbreakable too. Go find me my water.
