Cicumspect, Introspect, Tiny Lil Insects...

In the world of the jaded and the uninspired, we all feel like ants going through life like drones in a line. Money makes the world go round. Well, almost. But I'm still not over how I'm so fucking tied and dried. Remember that day? Remember that way? Yeah, go fuck n smoke.

A poker stick and a bit of coke, I used to read and live my life at the same time. I cried to God for a piece of that world I only read, and he gave me more, and took all in exchange. "Happy now, bum?" Was all he asked.

Will I ever?

When I was a kid, I had asthma and was friendless. Clumsy, uncoordinated, I was the picture of the perfect nerd. I prayed: I'll give half of this brain to gain some friends. And so they came. The musketeers and the wolves, and more. I felt I was happy. Well, I was. But teen years had different aims, and different wants. To guys, it was the boon and the kiss. And I was the Frog. Made excruciatingly worse that I was part of us "three." It was a film in my head: Two hunks and a Pimple. No need to ask whom was whom. So again, I prayed: a LOVE and a KISS, that's all I ask. In exchange, take all you've left in me: my luck, my words, my being ME.

And so she came. And she came. And she came. And boy, did I get what I was asking for, and more. I felt more than happy. Well, for the most part. But growing up had different needs, and wants. To men, it's called The Trinity. The pad, the carreer, and all the benefits that come with it. READ: women.

So again, I prayed: All my life, you gave me what I wanted in exchange for what I have. All my life I thought, what I wanted was what I didn't have. And all my life I yearned for that. Now give me this: My life as you think I should live it. Since you took all I have the last time, I have nothing more to give except what I'll earn in the future. So that I give you. My life as you will it.

Since then, I've been living life one day at a time. There's no need to rush. Me and my wife will get by. God has graced us with a blessing much more than what I promised Him in exchange. In a way, I feel like Faust. Only I made a deal with the right kind of DEALER.

I feel like God has taken everything from me, so that he can give the best of ONE thing to me. And it's just the essence of what He is: LOVE.

Happy hearts day to all. May you find the life I have and live it the way I do. As happy as I can ever be.